Day Twenty-Two

Things have been pretty busy around here, so I haven't had much opportunity to post.  I'm still working on making lifelong changes, have had a few episodes of three steps back, two steps forward, but overall, I've been doing well, meaning, I haven't thrown in the towel.  :-)

The one thing I'm trying very much to remember is that every minute of every day is a new beginning, and that maxim is applicable to every area of life in which we struggle or have set backs.  Prior to this go-round, I was, in many respects, an all or nothing person.  I'm trying to re-set that mindset with the mindset of the Lord, remembering that He's a God of new birth, of new beginnings, that we don't have to become enslaved to past performance, to previous failure.  It's a bit of a learning curve. 

I had something of a test a week or so ago, with the Lord showing me my heart, compelling me to challenge my motives.  I've claimed since the beginning that this was a battle more of overcoming gluttony, of dealing with sin, than of weight loss, but the Word of God is so true, in every respect of course, but in this particular instance when it declares:

 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"  Jeremiah 17:9

I stepped on the scale and after a couple of weeks of eating moderately and of walking relatively faithfully, it indicated I'd only lost a pound.  I was so disappointed.  I was sure it would be more than that, particularly as you tend to get that little microburst of weight loss when you first begin.  I felt robbed. 

As I contemplated things, however, I realized that the Lord was challenging me to be honest about my motives, was compelling me to examine my heart, to ask myself, was this really about being an obedient servant of the Most High, or yet another selfish and self-centered pursuit?  The answer really doesn't need to be stated, does it? 

And so, I pray...

"Father, reveal my heart to me in this and every matter, that I may subject every area of my life to You and become a faithful daughter, one willing to stand upon Your Word and confess it as absolute without expectation of personal benefit.  Let my motive in all things reflect a deep and abiding desire to humble myself before You, to walk in obedience in this and every area, regardless of the cost .  I ask this, Lord, in Your Name, that Name above all names, Jesus."